I’ve been MIA for a while because I’ve been so stressed out about things. And life has been keeping me moving. Last weekend I went down to Goshen, and the weekend before that Mike was up here. I’ve been working late days/overnights at least once a week, although yesterday I got off early because the boys were getting Flu shots.
Here’s the thing. I’m not sure that I’m a good fit with this family. Being a nanny you have to fit with your family’s needs and values for it to work, and I’m not sure that’s the case here. Honestly, I don’t think Jordan likes me very much. He does on some levels, but I think we kind of clash. He wants to believe that he’s in charge and calling the shots, and that doesn’t sit well with me. I can let it go most of the time, but there are times when I need the boys to do what I say without me repeating myself 10 times and having to resort to threats or counting. I try alot of tactics, like telling them why they need to be doing what I’m asking (we need to get to school on time, etc), but that doesn’t work alot of the time. The past few weeks ever since Janice talked to me and talked to the boys, I’ve let things slip too much. I’ve given the boys too much rope and they took it and ran. It’s gone majority downhill. They get in fights all the time. They talk back to me and order me around. They honestly function better and are happier when I have things under control and they’re not doing whatever the hell they want.
So I cracked down a bit more today. I talked to them about their fighting and asked them to think about what they can do to end them. I also was basically more of a hard ass in general. Not obsessively, but when Jordan was blowing bubbles in his milk and getting it every where I told him to stop and took his milk away when he didn’t. I told Anthony he had to eat all but one of his pineapple. I can’t keep catering to their whims. They need a nanny, not a pushover, and if they can’t handle it/ their mom doesn’t like it, than maybe it’s time that I start looking for another job. Which is exactly what I’m doing actually. I haven’t given up on this one yet, but as my flatmates can attest to, I come home miserable every night! It’s easy to say, “just ignore it” “don’t take them seriously” all that, but in the end, they are the people I see all day and when they treat me like shit it’s hurtful. I’m just tired of fighting them on everything. This morning, getting them to eat their breakfast in 45 minutes and not spill their milk everywhere was a test of wills. Getting Anthony to go upstairs and get his socks and then put his shoes and coat on took at least three times as long as it should have.
One thing I’ve realized is that Jordan’s taking about his frustration from school on Anthony. Last year Jordan was at the top of his class age group. They go to a Montessori school, so they are with three grade levels together. Now Jordan’s a 1st grader in a classroom with 1st-3rd. He’s used to being top dog, and now that he can’t be that at school he has to assert himself and his dominance at home. I asked him about that yesterday, and his response what “I like being teased!” He won’t take any of our conversations seriously the way Anthony will. He makes a joke out of them. Says stupid stuff. It’s hard not to be very frustrated.
So I’ve been thinking about where I want to work, and if I might work better in a different environment where there are co-workers to go to to consult, and other people “on my team”. I don’t feel like I’m a team with Janice, because she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to deal with issues, that she wants to come home and hear about what we did that day and then I leave and she has fun with her boys. So that’s what I’m trying.